How to win any argument against a Mac or Windows user

The last thing the Internet needs is more flame wars. It looks like everything that has a comment box is flaming just waiting to happen. I figured that it's about damn time that someone steps in to save the Internet, and that no one else is better suited for the job than myself. So, in order to stop the web from collapsing over its own fanboyism, I will teach you all how to dismantle and eliminate any flame war that you may face from now on. After reading this article, you too will be able to properly neutralize and serve any Mac or Windows fanboy you may face. Why I didn't mention Linux, you ask? Because, obviously, there is no such thing as a Linux fanboy.

Linus Torvalds is a douche.

Linus Torvalds is a douche. There, I said it. And in doing so, I did what 20 million other people were too much of a pussy to do. The number one tabboo in the Linux world has just been stomped on, and by no less than a devoted Linux user himself. Linus Torvalds may be seen as a hero by many, mostly wet-pussied fanboys who still think that the ultimate goal in life is to become a Virtual Che Guevara and ditch "Micro$oft." However, I've seen, heard and read enough about him to conclude that despite his contributions, Linus Torvalds is an arrogant and narrow-minded prick.

I've found the PC equivalent of the beer world!

La cerveza mas fina, eh? If you wanna spend the cash, absolutely. However, smart guys like to get the most for their bucks, so when they see that six-pack tagged at $14, they look around a little bit to find the cheaper alternatives that will do the job just as well. This approach works well for most of the things in life, like clothes, cars, computers and fast food chains. When it comes to beer, however, there is a little problem: most of them suck (assuming you are in the US). But cry no more, gents, for I've found the perfect alternatives for this overpriced, tasty, AppleMacBook-like Beer.

Real men use the GNOME Shell

Contrary to what all you pussy-whipped old-fashioned Linux users say, the GNOME Shell kicks ass. It pwns everything including compiz, GNOME 2, KDE 4, Chuck Norris and God Himself. So, if you are too much a pussy to try something new, or think that the real deal in computing will remain within a desktop with a bottom launcher bar and floating windows, here is my advice to you...

Quit fighting piracy already...

Piracy has been around long before that time of the dipshittery of Johnny Depp and the Disney studios, and started with a noble purpose: to promote fairness among society. And ever since piracy has been around, pig-headed high-society pricks have done everything in order to fight it. Except that piracy is still alive and very popular today, which means one thing: they failed. So here's my suggestion to corporations dealing with Digital Media and Software:

GET THE FUCKING CLUE ALREADY, AND QUIT FIGHTING PIRACY.