How to win any argument against a Mac or Windows user

The last thing the Internet needs is more flame wars. It looks like everything that has a comment box is flaming just waiting to happen. I figured that it's about damn time that someone steps in to save the Internet, and that no one else is better suited for the job than myself. So, in order to stop the web from collapsing over its own fanboyism, I will teach you all how to dismantle and eliminate any flame war that you may face from now on. After reading this article, you too will be able to properly neutralize and serve any Mac or Windows fanboy you may face. Why I didn't mention Linux, you ask? Because, obviously, there is no such thing as a Linux fanboy.

Linus Torvalds is a douche.

Linus Torvalds is a douche. There, I said it. And in doing so, I did what 20 million other people were too much of a pussy to do. The number one tabboo in the Linux world has just been stomped on, and by no less than a devoted Linux user himself. Linus Torvalds may be seen as a hero by many, mostly wet-pussied fanboys who still think that the ultimate goal in life is to become a Virtual Che Guevara and ditch "Micro$oft." However, I've seen, heard and read enough about him to conclude that despite his contributions, Linus Torvalds is an arrogant and narrow-minded prick.

I've found the PC equivalent of the beer world!

La cerveza mas fina, eh? If you wanna spend the cash, absolutely. However, smart guys like to get the most for their bucks, so when they see that six-pack tagged at $14, they look around a little bit to find the cheaper alternatives that will do the job just as well. This approach works well for most of the things in life, like clothes, cars, computers and fast food chains. When it comes to beer, however, there is a little problem: most of them suck (assuming you are in the US). But cry no more, gents, for I've found the perfect alternatives for this overpriced, tasty, AppleMacBook-like Beer.

Real men use the GNOME Shell

Contrary to what all you pussy-whipped old-fashioned Linux users say, the GNOME Shell kicks ass. It pwns everything including compiz, GNOME 2, KDE 4, Chuck Norris and God Himself. So, if you are too much a pussy to try something new, or think that the real deal in computing will remain within a desktop with a bottom launcher bar and floating windows, here is my advice to you...

Quit fighting piracy already...

Piracy has been around long before that time of the dipshittery of Johnny Depp and the Disney studios, and started with a noble purpose: to promote fairness among society. And ever since piracy has been around, pig-headed high-society pricks have done everything in order to fight it. Except that piracy is still alive and very popular today, which means one thing: they failed. So here's my suggestion to corporations dealing with Digital Media and Software:

GET THE FUCKING CLUE ALREADY, AND QUIT FIGHTING PIRACY.

Competition with Linux is futile

So I turned my attention the other day to my YouTube homepage and found out an interesting video within my suggestions. It dealt with Microsoft not surprisingly bashing on Linux once more, only with an extra spin of F.U.D. on it. It wasn't like the old-fashioned Mac-PC wars, in which all you do is point things that suck on the other and it's up to the viewer to make the judgement. In this particular case, Microsoft took a pretty cheap approach. They called it their "training program" to supposedly educate completely neutral people into biased robots that despise and will kill anything about Linux. The training consisted of completely unbiased quizzes such as:

Linux upgrades and updates(sic) are easy. [Right or Wrong?] Answer: WRONG

I won't mention anything further, because this is explicit enough bullshit. You can see the thread with screenshots of the quiz right here. Though I did not give any further shit about Microsoft's FUD policy, it did leave me with one thought: why is Microsoft trying to compete with Linux? Aren't they still the number one computer software developer in the world? What exactly is this competition about, then? A quick look through several computer stores is enough to assert me that all PCs sold in the mass market run an Operating System called "Windows." Isn't that called a monopoly? Maybe Microsoft doesn't like to hear that some guys in a South African company came up with an Operating System that happens to be just as usable, only for free. Oh no, the impossible has just happened! Launch the emergency countermeasures, release our top secret shit to the public!

Three Cheers for the Late Steve Jobs

Apple CEO Steve Jobs has passed away on this Wednesday Oct 5th, 2011, victim of cancer. If by now you're still too much a moron to think it's a hoax, kindly check this link and proceed to bang your head fifteen times on the closest wall. Actually I, too, thought of it as a hoax, but it lasted for only 15min. The media debunks most of the contemporary bullshit.

I think this is the part in which I unravel my ranting and give out my flammable opinions on whether the man was a hero or villain. But there is the whole rest of the internet for that. So I will make it different, short and sweet.

"Why Teachers will never make it" or "Education is not all there's to it"

A year before my own High School graduation, we received yearbooks with the wills written by all the then seniors. Taking apart the bullshit, the cliche and the falsehood that everyone wrote about loving the school, teachers and student body, I found an interesting quote on my good friend's will:

[...] TO THE TEACHERS: The world needs more of you. Keep up the good work! [...]

Let's bring out our critical eyes here - smartass statement or truthful opinion of his part? In several ways, this is true.

In Court: GNU/Linux Community v. Ubuntu

So here's the article that everyone wanted, yet nobody made. It's like one of the greatest taboos in Linux. The huge elephant standing right in the middle of the living room that yet nobody dares to move. Gather around, children, for today I will share my thoughts on how is Ubuntu viewed by the Linux community. Is it flamed or loved? Will the GNU project twist their noses and finally embrace it or once and for all forsaken it?